As a child you grow up following in the footsteps as your parents. As a child you want to make your parents, you like to be the center of their attention, at least in the younger years. Growing up, most children have a chance to open their eyes and develop their own ideas, personalities and beliefs. What happens with that stage doesn’t hit?
The question becomes are they their own person, a puppet or too sheltered to understand?
A child grows up in a very delicate situation. Their brain is developing in such a touchy way that everything in their environment causes their learning process to ignite. In the right environment, a child can learn many things and expand their knowledge so quickly they will adapt to almost anything. In the case of a sheltered household, children are unable to learn as wide of variety of knowledge. Their knowledge is no longer general and varied by specified and cramped.
This is where things can go horrible. For children, they look to their parents for guidance. In the event that a child is sheltered they are limited to specified knowledge and are subjected to their parent’s beliefs without realizing it. As the child grows up they are only more so subjected to their parents beliefs, this will continue until they hit their teenage years.
When teenage years hit this can branch off in a couple ways. The first is the rebellious streak, when they change from a child following what others have told them to developing their own opinions, this is normally where teenagers do not get along with their parents. Parents are so use to their kid agreeing that when the kid now has their own thoughts it causes tension. In the case of a more violent household, the teen tries to become their own person, but is shut down by violence of abuse until their broken puppet once more. In another event, the teen years can be used as a chance to rebel, however fear can cause them to shut down what it is they believe and allow themselves to become that puppet.
Most teens hit their rebellious, become who they are as a person and continue on with their life. Sure that doesn’t mean that their lives are easy, it just means they are now them. For those teens that didn’t get to rebel and were forced to be puppets, what happens to them?
Though I can’t speak for all instances, because there will always be something I won’t know or understand. Due to this, I’ll go from personal experience.
Growing up as a sheltered only child, I wasn’t exposed too much. I felt my parents opinion were basically law, I didn’t believe I could go against them because why would they lie? As I got older I began to realize that maybe they were wrong, however when I questioned it, this is when they would shut me down. I have never taken that well. The idea of disappointing someone was never something I was able to handle. Due to this my want to be perfect quickly derived.
As a grown adult I find myself looking down at a broken mirror putting back the pieces to a shattered life. It’s not so much that my life right now is terrible, but more of the fact that the recent changes in my life have left me feeling a bit broken. For most of my life I believed my parents could never be wrong. There was simply no way. As I recently found out, not only were they wrong 98% of the time, but I had went to them for everything. From beliefs to how to live my life. This normally wouldn’t be bad for kids but my parents, to put bluntly, don’t understand. Neither have held a legit job, they don’t really work as one should. My mother has never worked. Since they always scratch by and indulge in stupid wants [mostly alcohol and I suspect illegal things too] I feel this limits them from ever growing in society or even as a person.
To put into a more simple way to understand. A while ago I mentioned to my parents I wanted to move to a different state, it was across the country, I stated I felt that I could take my writing wants further there. Instead of providing any form of support, confidence in me or anything their first reaction was to state “You aren’t allowed to leave us, we need you.” Now I would understand the fact that they are my parents, but they are also the ones that leech on my money if I don’t pay attention. As a smart human being I began to ask baited questions. Sure enough, they fell for them and practically admitted they don’t want me to leave because they can’t leech from me if I’m across the country.
As their daughter I found myself sad in many ways. One that they wouldn’t want me to continue my dreams as a write and two that they were so selfish that they wouldn’t “let” me leave. It still amuses me. They won’t “let” me leave. Says the parents that don’t come visit me and tell me all the time I’m a disappointment. How comforting. Thanks.
Thanks to the guy I have in my life [which I’m so lucky to have], I’ve realized that my biggest issue of confidence, being comfortable with myself and all over just being happy was being held back with them. This all but broke something inside of me. The parents that I had clung to the idea of always being right was purposely slowing down my life accomplishments. Why… why would that be what they wanted?
After many arguments with them, and many heartbreaks on my end, I came to the conclusion. They didn’t give me a choice, I had to distance myself. Here I am at 24, and for the first time in my life, I’m asking the question.
Who am I?