Oftentimes we end up looking back on what we’ve had and wondering how we managed to drop so far. Recently this has been true of me, as it has been in the past as well. With my life I look back to when I felt I was more successful. I had my own place, I could afford more, my job paid out more, I felt more free. Currently I’m living with my parents mostly because even though my job pays me almost double minimum wage I still can’t afford a little crappy apartment. I get it, this is one of those times you get a roommate, but I’m not really the social type. That and I don’t trust people to pay their part. I found that I held one job to be better above all my others. Why you ask? It paid more, I was able to support myself, so it seemed to be the best to me. The people weren’t awful, the company screwed me over, but I suppose I’m use to that. Now I’m in a similar company in terms of profession, except now I do tech support. I find myself still having some of the same issues but in different way, but the pay is less.
Now don’t worry, this isn’t an entire complain piece, there is a point to it.
On Monday, I was sitting here thinking about what to do with my life when I noticed a group of people walk by me. That wasn’t too odd, they’ve been hiring a lot of people lately. What made me double take is that I noticed some people. Taking a second look at them, I realized most of the people in that group were from the job that I always think back on. Shocked about this, I grew curious. Why would they leave such a job! The pay was so good! Finally I managed to talk to one later that day, they told me the company took a chance by buying lines in Southern Florida and bluntly enough, the flopped. Apparently their health care per month doubled, most of their benefits either went away or it doubled in price. They changed to a new host company, there was more mandatory overtime and they also laid people off. It find it interesting because of how much I looked back on it. Currently I have a job, and I’m happy I have one, but I constantly looked back on that one as the “what if I stayed” type of thing. Looking at it now, I would have been jobless again. Though it’s harsh to say, I’m somewhat relieved. I don’t have to look back on that job wondering if I missed out on a huge opportunity.
The last piece of this conversation is mostly my mindset currently. I’ve been trying to find direction with my life. Unfortunately I’m one of those people that likes to plan. Since I can’t plan too much that I need to take care of, I’ve just at a loss. I need to get back into college, but I need to pay it first. I need to find a job I don’t feel like is pointless. I sometimes don’t even know what I want. I’ve just been so lost.
Sorry if some of the content seems a bit scatterbrained but at points I just don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.