Today’s agenda is very lose because…
OH MY GOSH WE HIT 100 SUBS!
When I first made this website, I told myself I was going to become a great writer. I was going to post all the time and I would let people see my odd style for writing. Let people fall in love, or interest with my characters. I never really planned for my art or crafts to end up on here. I don’t even remember what made me try.
The idea behind Kanna’s Disguise was pretty simple. I was a young girl and I wanted to write and sometimes I wanted to write about people I knew. Instead of being dumb and getting caught when I [inevitably] trash talked them, I took on a pen name. At the time, I was around some people that liked to nickname based on the anime Inuyasha, and me being the short quiet girl I was, got the nickname Kanna. I didn’t see a problem with it, and well it’s kinda went with me ever since. Perhaps this name didn’t hide me nearly as much as I wanted, but it was my thoughts at the time.
Fast forward to now. I want to be a writer. I want to write stories that engage the reader and take them out of their current world and into another. I always felt that I wrote to escape, so I wanted my readers to escape too. Perhaps I take too long in my world creation or my character editing that I’ve gotten a bit away from actual stories, but I feel like I’m improving. Over the year that I’ve had this website I’ve had a lot of change with my writing and my life. Oddly enough you all have stayed, I don’t think anyone’s unsubbed from me, and I thank you all for that. I have many plans for this website and perhaps hitting this 100 subs was what I needed to light a fire.
That aside, as this is not so much about me, and about all of you, we’ll do a bit of a fun thing again. Let me know what you guys want! I’ll put up a poll here soon with the following:
-reviews of games/movies
and again THANK YOU ALL ❤
So I didn’t finish the color on one of my pictures… SORRY!
I thought I could finish it in time, but unfortunately I didn’t. I should be able to upload at least the lines/sketch tomorrow if I don’t finish the colors today. I’ve been a bit busy. Life has been, well as normal hectic. Thankfully it seems I’m catching back up on money issues that I was having, unfortunately I was having money issues about paying off money issues? Haha, ironic I know. Anyways I should be back on track soon, just trying to fight off this depression I’ve been having.
It’s strange for me to talk about depression so often. As a person who’s use to hiding what they feel, it’s strange to be so open about it, but I suppose it’s better than keeping it in. For anyone who has a depression problem, just know you can always fight it. You can always have better days. I know life is bleak sometimes, but keep fighting!
Plans for the upcoming month:
-Sheena art [lined and working on color]
-Demon/Angel art [in progress with lines]
-Thoughts on the world at the moment
-Anime Review: How to raise a boring girlfriend
-Anime Review: Your Name
-100th sub hype?
Hopes/May not happen:
-new background [hopefully]
-game reviews [maybe]
-hopefully a new story or maybe a continuation
It was a dull grey dark, the air was stale and humid. The humidity was thick, stifling even. Every breath she took felt forced, begging the question of if it was worth it. The atmosphere felt heavy, like the world itself was falling on her shoulders. This was life, a horrible heavy, stifling force that you had no choice but to deal with. Though her feelings were that of an emotional teenager, she held herself quite the opposite. Rena’s stance was tall, confident, her strides showed her power, and her gaze held attention. Her demeanor was that of nobility, pride and beauty. Her hips seemed to mesmerize even the more faithful of men. If that wasn’t enough, her features seemed to be cut from porcelain itself. Milky white skin, drastic curves that seemed a bit too perfect, long legs that worked perfects in skirts and dresses. A bust that teased on lusty intentions. Pearly locks that framed her face, it’s gentle shape and blanketing around her eyes. The blue hue of her eyes seemed to shine like sapphires, showing the beauty she seemed to hold.
Moving through the halls, her heels clicked along the granite as she made her way towards the conference chambers. The doors parted to allow her entrance. Inside the room sat a rather large man with a pompous look. His demeanor seemed jolly enough. The doors behind her closed causing an echo and then complete silence. The jolly man’s features twisted into rage as he leaned forward slamming his hands down.
“You are going to Edowen” his voice boomed with authority.
Her features seemed to not show any form of emotion as she did nothing but look at him directly. A moment later she took a step forward and placed her palms on the table and leaned forward. “For what purpose” her voice was just like the rest of her, elegant yet sultry.
Without missing a beat he responded. “A temporary truce between our people.” his smile turned wicked as he looked at her. “You will leave in 3 days”
Her lips pursed realizing her current position. Without a word, she turned on her heels and strode out of the room and down the hallway. Her heels clicked a bit louder on her way out. Edowen, the home of their enemy, the home to nightmares and demons. Picking up her stride, she made her way down the abandoned hallway, watching as the dust along the ground fluttered around her heels. Moving towards a rather odd looking door she shoved it open and slipped inside. The moment the door behind her closed, she slumped along the door slowly sliding down. “Edowen…” her voice muttered, hardly a whisper.
After slumping along the door for a matter of minutes, she finally managed to carry herself over towards the bed in the back corner. Falling back in the mess of furs that she called a bed, her features finally degraded. Squeezing her eyes shut she inhaled a sharp quick breath. “Edowen..” the place where she had spent the worse parts of her life. Her hand moved to rest along her chest.
She lied in bed, nearly motionless for the early hours of the day. Three days she had until she was thrown back to the wolves. She couldn’t run, she already knew how that would go. It would be cowardly, it would be selfish. They did not deserve her selfish decision. That aside, she may as well try to spend her next few days in a better atmosphere. Slowly, she rose from bed like the dead rising from the grave.
Today marked the first day of the Fall’s end festival. It had always been quite the talk of the town, however she wasn’t lucky enough to partake. “Well I’m changing that.” Getting back on her feet, she smoothed out her dress and fixed her hair before grabbing a cloak and quickly pulling it over herself. Now she had had to escape for a while. Ducking back into the hallway, she headed down the abandoned portion of the hall and stopped before the door leading towards the soldiers barracks.
I find my life to be like looking into a book. It just feels so surreal. Obviously I know it actually happened, but oftentimes I wonder if it’s fabricated and what I believe to be true isn’t. I find myself lost in thought often, wondering the purpose of my existence. Wondering if I make my muse’s life harder. If there was a blimp in reality and I’m not suppose to exist. People say that you learn to live with your depression, but mine is a gnawing quicksand that threatens to consume me. I don’t know where it came from. I may have created it myself without knowing it, I know that I caused my own self hatred driven out of my want to be perfect. It’s possible I caused my own anxiety and depression issues, but how do you deal with that? Most people would agree that you can’t get rid of depression, that it won’t ever go away fully and you’re stuck dealing with it or focusing on something else so you don’t have to deal with it. For years I’ve just focused on other things, but I’m squishy when it comes to emotions.
Emotions, me and them?
To most, emotions are a part of your existence. You feel sad, happy, lonely, scared or angry. Everyone expresses them differently, to some they put on a fake face and pretend they aren’t there. For me, I am too emotional. If I get really happy I cry, if I’m sad, I cry. If I’m really angry I’ll end up crying. For some reason I can’t handle intense emotions without just crying. I hate it. It makes me seem weak, it makes me feel vulnerable.
The people had practically ignored her! The nerve! She she was about to yell, she noticed the villagers moving away from something. No, someone. She was face-to-face with the outcast. To much of her surprise, she was the one that greed. Azariah stared at her in shock, unable to even move for a moment. Finally, she snapped out of it. “And how could you possible help me, outcast?!” she scoffed seeming to gain the attention of the village.
Rena sigh, she was quick to shoot off insults. Her eyes narrowed as she spoke clearly. “Because I use to live there.” her voice caused silence across the town.
Her eyes widened as she recalled what the twins had said when a villager brought the outcast to their village. ‘She is not safe, she’s not like us, she reeks of Ortranto.’ Opportunity had struck! “Very well outcast!” Azariah’s voice boomed . That marked the beginning of their temporary bond between the two, but that didn’t mean she had to like her!